The negative stereotypes surrounding stepparents are rampant, but the reality is that the stepparent-stepchild relationship is critical for the growth and wellbeing of the stepchild and the entire family. Stepparents now play a role in about 50 percent of all families across America. Becoming a stepparent can be difficult, especially given the negative portrayals of stepparents in the media, but embracing and succeeding in the role is well worth the time and effort.
The following is a look at some tips to help you connect with your new stepchild:
- Keep the first impression pleasant and short: It is helpful when meeting your new potential stepchildren for the first time to not put pressure on the children. Keep the initial meeting short and let the child or children set the pace for the relationship.
- Allow children time to grieve: If you are a stepparent entering a relationship that was preceded by a divorce, it is critical that you give your stepchild time and space. Remarriage will shatter the child’s hopes of his or her parent’s reunion. A grieving process of sorts will occur as this hope slips away. It is important to recognize the process and be prepared for all the forms it could take, including backlash towards you.
- Treat your stepchildren as family: If your stepchildren share time with both families, you will not be with them all the time. The temptation exists to then treat them almost as special guests when they are around. In reality, children treated as guests will not feel like family. As such, it is better to include them in the family by giving them chores, reviewing homework, and the like. Be a part of their school and social life. Children will feel more secure when they feel a part of the family as a whole.
- Make one-on-one time: When your stepchildren are ready, spending one-on-one time with them is vital. Take them to do something you both enjoy, such as playing basketball, watching a play, or just out for ice cream. Spending that time alone will allow your bond to deepen with your stepchildren.
- Develop trust and honesty: Trust is a crucial component to any relationship and it does not form easily. Trust is built based upon your stepchild’s observations of you. Do you actively listen? Do you keep private information to yourself? Do you take an interest in what is important to your stepchild? Children will pick up on insincerity or dishonesty, so demonstrate your honesty and trustworthiness.
- Exchange your interests: Listen to and be open to your stepchild’s interests. Enjoy new experiences with your stepchild. The interest will go both ways. Expose your stepchild to one of your special interests. You may find a new tennis partner or hobby buddy. Remember that your relationship with your stepchild is ultimately created and maintained by just the two people in it—parent and child.
McDowell Chartered: Assisting Stepparents with Adoption and Other Legal Needs Across Kansas
Your role as a stepparent will be vital to your stepchildren’s development and growth. It is not easy to navigate the waters of becoming a stepparent, especially when older children are involved. We hope these tips offer you some insight into a few ways to connect with your special stepchild. If you are interested in adopting your stepchild, our Kansas Adoption Attorneys at McDowell Chartered can help. We will guide you seamlessly through the stepparent adoption process, uniting you and your stepchild. Call us today at (316) 633-4322 to schedule your free consultation.