Generally, the first step for a birthparent seeking to place their child for adoption is to choose either an adoption agency or adoption lawyer to help facilitate the process. The next step, typically, is to find the right adoptive parents to nurture, provide, and care for the child. However, if a birthmother chooses a closed adoption, she will not be included in the decision-making of which individual or family is chosen.
When it comes to an open or semi-open adoption, the birthmother must examine numerous factors and conditions she values regarding the kind of family and circumstances she desires for the placement of her child. The birthmother may discover that she in fact has preferences as to certain characteristics for potential adoptive parents. Such attributes may encompass an inclination regarding, ethnic or cultural background, religious background, values, parenting style, location, lifestyle, and/or discipline methods, to name a few. Birthmothers may also have other concerns, namely, whether the adoptive parents have other children already, if extended family is available to help raise the child, will the adoptive parents plan to tell the child he/she is adopted, how much contact will occur between birth and adoptive parents (in an open adoption), and/or how involved the adoptive parents will be in the pregnancy and birth.
Selection of an adoptive parent by the birthmother begins when she receives various profiles describing potential adoptive individuals and families. Such profiles include a background history of the adoptive parent(s), their motivations and reasons for seeking to adopt, their opinions and beliefs pertaining to the overall adoption proceedings, the observations made and conclusions drawn from the social workers’ home study, and more. Customarily, a birthmother will be afforded the option of three to five individuals and/or families to contemplate and review as a starting point. Prior to presenting a birthmother’s prospective candidates, it is the agency’s responsibility to have performed a thorough consultation with the birthmother concerning her preferences, and will have worked to pair those preferences with suitable available choices.
The next step of the process depends on the type of adoption intended by the birthmother. For example, in an open adoption the birthmother has an opportunity to meet with the families of the profiles she likes and envisions for her child, whereas in a semi-open adoption, this meeting process may not be guaranteed to occur. If it does, such meetings normally convene at the adoption agency, where both parties are given the opportunity to ask questions and discuss each other’s background.
The initial meeting between a birthmother and potential adoptive parents may prove to be uncomfortable and difficult for both parties. On the one hand, potential adoptive parents may feel they need to appear a certain way, so as to communicate to the birthmother they are the correct choice for the child. As far as the birth mother is concerned, it can be very challenging to meet with numerous individuals and/or families who are eager to adopt a child, when it is clear her choice will bring happiness for one person or family, while disappointing the others. Despite the potential for general uneasiness and apprehension, both birthmothers and adoptive parents may find that such discussions provide beneficial and relevant information. Birthmothers and potential adoptive parents alike may use the information they gather to come to a decision on whether or not there is a match between the two. Undeniably, this is a significant decision for both parties involved, especially in open adoption situations where contact may persist for the duration of the child’s life. Therefore, it is important that everyone feels both parties are compatible and the pairing is a good choice. It is likely that multiple meetings may need to take place before all parties are comfortable and certain of the decision to pursue the adoption together.
If you are a birthparent seeking to place your child for adoption, call McDowell Chartered legal services at 316-269-0746 for more information about the legal rights of you and your child, how to get started with process, and handling the overall matter successfully.